Helpful advice: female masturbation

The most important thing to remember is that every woman is different. Some things that feel good to others may not feel good to you. It’s important to keep in mind that you are the most important and to never feel lesser than anyone for not having the same experience.

Many women do not experience orgasm, through partners or self stimulation until their late 20s-early 30s and some women are unable to achieve orgasm throughout their lifetime. Having a good acceptance of your sexual desires, sexual actions, and having high self worth will make your sexual experiences more fulfilling. Having a mind filled with shame and guilt is not conducive to the experience.

Knowing your body and how to feel pleasure is important. For yourself, and for possible future partners. I, personally, floundered for a year, trying out masturbation techniques before I was finally able to achieve orgasm through self stimulation. And many women similarly find that the road to orgasm is not as simple and straightforward as it seems to be for men. Many women take up to 30 minutes or more before achieving orgasm, but with the right conditions and self knowledge, it can be brought down to a few minutes. After time and experience. So, please remember that practice and patience will pay off.

Step one is to get your body in shape. Orgasms are very tiring and if your body isn’t ready to spend 30 seconds to several minutes in extreme anabolic mode, you won’t be able to achieve as much. Keep in mind that some orgasms have been known to be so intense that people have passed out or even died of heart failure. Also, making sure that you are well rested, not stressed, and have eaten a healthy meal (but not too much) within a few hours of orgasm also can help put your body in a receptive mode. Preparation is key.

Before the actual orgasm experience, spending 2-3 weeks doing kegal exercises beforehand will make orgasm easier. Many women with fit PC muscles can orgasm through flexing alone. This muscle is actually kind of difficult and awkward to find. It’s not one that we regularly flex consciously. It’s the same muscle that stops the flow of pee. So, next time you use the restroom, try to be aware and feel how to flex that muscle. Similarly, you can also insert a finger or two into the vaginal canal and work to compress your muscles. Flexing that muscle for 10-30 seconds for 3-5 reps a few times a day will greatly increase your muscle mass and your understanding of that area. Also, don’t do it when you have a full bladder. It’s unhealthy to be overly flexing these muscles while retaining urine.

When you are finally ready for masturbation, be sure that you are in a comfortable, relaxing, warm environment. That could be the bed or the bath, anywhere that you feel safe and relaxed. I, personally, recommend a nice clean bed after a warm relaxing bath.

Most women can’t achieve orgasm through penetrative sex, so it’s important to focus on the clitoris. It’s also good to note here that the clitoris is not only the obvious head/glans, but also extends around the entire area of the vagina. The “button” has the most nerve endings in one spot, but the thing to be careful with here is overstimulation. Many women find that using vibrating toys directly on their clitoral head is very painful. And even if it is not painful, the head may withdraw into itself and will not make itself available for further stimulation. When properly stimulated, it can extend, much like a man’s penis and may even become noticeable. It’s recommended to not directly stimulate the clitoral head, but the surrounding area, as the most erogenous zone actually encompasses the entire vaginal area.

How to “touch yourself” really depends on each individual woman. Some are more sensitive to certain touches. They may need less stimulation or more. They may need a specific type of movement. They may simply need pressure. They may need a rubbing motion. I knew of one woman who could only orgasm from counter clockwise motions. Everyone is different.

Keeping your mind on the sensations that you are experiencing and relaxing is very important. You are probably not going to orgasm thinking about paying bills. Many women find that closing their eyes helps them to focus on their body and may even help you to naturally touch yourself in a way that you wouldn’t otherwise think of. Even fantasizing is can be very helpful. On the other hand, for women, sometimes fantasizing is distracting and they actually have more difficulty reaching orgasm when fantasizing. It all depends on what seems to work for you. Don’t be afraid to try things out.

To teach your body to respond to your touch, it is helpful to start out in a mindset that is already prepared for sexual encounters. Getting in the mood. That might mean reading erotic novels, watching porn, or fantasizing about a coworker. Whatever works for you. That way, your body doesn’t have to start from zero and will start being trained to react a certain way to certain stimuli. Touching this way leads to sexual stimulation. This can also work for other types of stimulation, even to kissing.

Using vibrators, fingers, or flowing water to stimulate the clitoris are the best bet for women to achieve orgasm. But humping pillows or rubbing oneself on towels could be equally pleasurable.

On another note, penetrative masturbation can be pleasant for some women (especially those with strong pc muscles), so using dildos or ben-wa balls also during clitoral stimulation might also be helpful. The important thing is to continue to keep a rhythm of flexing your pc muscles while stimulating yourself, however you do it. Griping and releasing. And when you feel an overwhelming sensation, giving into it and not being self conscious. It is often difficult for women to give up control and simply go with “the feeling” because it seems scary and somehow wrong. But just be confident, because there is nothing to be afraid of.

The g-spot is generally not very useful when masturbating (it’s more helpful for penetrative sex), but some women do have success. The g-spot has been found to be “not a thing” but for many women, there is a cluster of nerve endings on the inside of the vagina, opposite the clitoris. This spot is generally about 3 inches in (which is about the ending of the feeling inside the vaginal canal). Also, please clip your nails and make sure that your hands and anything else you intend to insert inside yourself is clean.

So, reaching inside yourself with 1-2 fingers, you should feel a spot on that is a different, spongy tissue. After stimulating that for a time, you should notice a dramatic change in the tissue and increased lubrication in the surrounding are. Extreme stimulation of this area, plus the clitoris is how many women squirt, by the way. For this, I always recommend using showers and baths, because of privacy, but also because of lubrication and no clean up if you do end up being overly lubricated.

I will end with the same thing everyone says. Just do what feels good.

Check this out

http://rosalarian.tumblr.com/post/78124344560/feminism-is-having-a-wardrobe-malfunction-does

Demanding Equality! Part II

As I watch television, I become more and more aware of the amount of female skin shown on television. And I’m upset.

Not to say that I think anyone should be ashamed of their bodies or that we should hide ourselves. The human body is a beautiful thing and we should appreciate it in all its forms. As long as we are not devaluing or shaming those bodies that are shown or the people who choose to show them, I have no problem with skin on TV.

My problem is the severe lack of equality between the genders. Why do I see 500+ boobs for every penis? Okay, so I’m not asking for more penises in trade for the boobs. But we need to figure out some type of equality.

For every naked female butt, I want a naked male butt. For every tight pair of short shorts on a woman, I want to see one on a man. For every shot down a woman’s shirt, I want the same from a man.

We can’t value a man’s body equally to a woman’s until we are treating them equally.

Demanding Equality!

There was a meme recently portraying the Disney Princesses in their male counterpart’s clothes. Although they didn’t exactly do Jane correctly, because boobs, it got me thinking about equality again.

We all agree that women look hot in stereotypical “man” clothing. I would like to propose that men look equally hot in “woman” clothing.

Of course, much like any other thing that a person would wear, it depends on how it fits, what color it is, what style it is, what they look good in.

I’m simply saying that we shouldn’t bind someone to a certain type of clothing just because of their sex or gender. Why can we not accept males as beautiful in a flowing dress?

Hizaki, the guitarist from Versailles Philharmonic Quintet.
Kaya….. And really, quite a few other visual kei musicians.
Sophia Burset from Orange is the New Black.
Frankenfurter from Rocky Horror.
Some Like it Hot…

I don’t think that it should be a question of sexuality. It should simply be a way for people to show their love for themselves and their desire to be beautiful.

Confidence

What does confidence look like to you? Doing what you want, when you want with no fear of what others think of you or how they will judge you, right? Not holding back?

Does it mean pretending to be something that you aren’t? Putting on a costume to act like somebody that you wouldn’t normally act like?

Talking about sexual confidence frustrates me. Because I definitely fall into the category of NOT. At the same time, however, the things that I would change about myself and my behavior are so minute that most people would probably never notice.

Acting in a way that makes me walk with a massive hip sway Catwoman in Arkham city or speak with the breathy voice quality of Marilyn Munroe or …. any other behavior that I don’t naturally do or have any desire to do …. Does not necessarily exude sexual confidence. Telling people how many men I’ve “bagged” in the last 6 months or talking about my sexual behaviors, desires, or promiscuities doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m confident. It doesn’t mean that I love who I am or feel good about my sexuality.

I wear sexy clothes when I feel like it. But I don’t feel the need to wear them all the time or that it’s because I lack confidence that I don’t. I don’t think it’s a lack of confidence that I don’t want to have more sex with more people. I don’t think it’s a lack of confidence in myself when I do choose to wear them.

I may not have the confidence that I would like in all areas, but I feel upset when people tell me that I should be something that I am not, when people tell me that I’m lacking in some way for being who I want to be. If I’m too sexy, if I’m not sexy enough…. It isn’t anyone’s place to decide that we should feel ashamed for our desires or lack thereof.

There is such a thing as slut shaming, which I’ve seen addressed many times. But there is also a problem when people force their ideas of confidence and freedom on you and tell you that you aren’t a sexual being with your own choices, unless you behave the way they think you should.

Maybe you want to have multiple partners. Maybe you want to have one partner. Maybe you don’t want any. Maybe you want to have sex 3 times a day. Maybe you want to have sex 3 times a year. Maybe you never want to have sex. Maybe you want to wear a bikini all year around. Maybe you want to wear pj pants and a hoodie. Maybe you want to cross dress. Maybe you like to striptease. Maybe you prefer to roll over and say “so, what are you up to?” Maybe you like 40 minutes of foreplay. Maybe you don’t like any. Maybe 8 hours of sex is fine. Maybe 5 minutes is too much. Maybe you identify as homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual, or asexual.

There are so many maybes. They are all personal choices and preferences. We need to recognize these as valid choices and lifestyles. No pushing or judging people for whatever choices that people make that are not harming others. That’s all I ask.

Attraction bias

What makes people attractive? I’ve seen so many things about what makes a person attractive or not. Many of the things have been studied in depth and have good (physiological or psychological) reasoning behind them.

Women should have a waist that’s 70% of their hips, long necks, long hair….

Men should have a little stubble, firm butts, and wide shoulders.

There were more things from the articles and textbooks, but I forgot and those seemed to be the ones that made most impact on my memory.

What are we attracted to? Hormone levels in the body? Gender roles? Sexual characteristics typical of a certain sex? The actual genitalia? What kind of sex acts someone likes partaking in?

Or is it beyond that? Finding someone who is a certain height, weight, skin color, ethnicity, with a certain salary? Someone who looks a certain way?

Why is this kind of bias okay? Why is it actually okay to discriminate this way? “I only like Asian women who are under 5’4 and 100 lbs.”
“I only like men who are taller than me, blond, and make 50k a year.”

From everything we read and know, we know that choosing (or not) someone for anything based on looks is BAD. For jobs, for sports teams, to friends? It’s all bad. Unless we are talking about romantic partners. Then, it’s the only thing.

I’m not saying it’s good or bad, but I am saying it’s mystifying.

I find someone attractive because of the things they say and do, how they interact with me and others, the traits that they possess. How they spend their time, what their interests are, the way they think.

The things that make someone a good friend that makes me want to hang around them all the time? Those are the things that make me want to spend time with them, date them, or have sex with them.

TBH, I don’t like many people enough to be friends with them, much less want to date them, marry them, or have sexual contact with them. So, it really isn’t much of an issue of deciding what sexual label I fit into.

My boyfriend says “I don’t like penis” as his reason for being straight. But can you really decide who you want to spend your life with by what genitalia someone has? Is the actual sex act that you engage in so important that you’re willing to choose someone based solely on that?

Myths and facts about rape

Nanowrimo break – help me?

Calling all writers!

This month I’m taking off for National Novel Writers Month, so I can work on my story and keep up with work and school.

So, before I sign off, I’d love it if anyone wanted to do a guest blog! Just e-mail me with your topic and idea.

I’d like to keep is under 500 words, pertaining to sexuality and sex. Please make it upbeat and positive, as well as informative. Writing about personal experiences would be fantastic!
Email me at:
Nancynoregrets@yahoo.com

Thanks!

If not, you’ll be hearing a few that I have stored up throughout the month.

Kisses!

First Kiss – Part III

The first man that I actually wanted to be kissed by gave me a very confusing relationship. He was overly friendly and would take me on what I would have considered dates. But he never showed any interest in me romantically, so eventually, we also moved apart.
“I don’t know what’s going on!” I complained to one of my male acquaintances at one point.
“So have sex with him.” He shrugged, “That should clear things up.”
It was then that I realized that my standards were unrealistic. I also realized that this guy wasn’t interested in me at all. We lived in a culture that just passed over kissing and hand holding and went straight to sex. No romance. No foreplay. Nothing at all like the movies. Just sex. I sighed and resigned myself to never finding someone for me. So I moved away from the idea of romance, the idea of actually being with someone. It didn’t stop me from randomly dating guys here and there, though, but they only proved me right. No one was worthwhile and only filled my time with useless annoyance and frustration.

First Kiss – Part I

In a world where the first of everything is so emphasized, the first step, the first word, the first day of school, the first kiss has become less of an importance in the American culture. It’s something that is merely shrugged off, something that probably happened in elementary school, but who really cares. When was your first kiss? Who was it with? Even though we don’t really emphasize it, I’d wager that you remember. What you felt, where you were, your thoughts at the time. Well, maybe.

The first kiss is a good starting point, an appropriate place to begin the talk of relationships and sex. I grew up in a very conservative culture with a strong religious background, but even with the people around me, I felt very self-righteous and superior. Such is the fate of all teens, but my morality lead me a different way than expected.

The usual age for the first kiss is the early pre-teen years of ten and thirteen (although I’ve heard the word “tween” used for this age group, I’m old and don’t think that’s appropriate. My own little rant) and people tend to experience it during their early years of middle school or late elementary. Although some are earlier and others later. I fell into the later category. Much later. Due to my own decisions.
My teen years were spent heavily on manga reading and anime watching, mostly shojo (girls) romance stories. The culture portrayed in these stories was one of silence and passion that is never expressed. I felt that the love stories within my own culture focused too heavily on outward signs of love and didn’t accurately portray the way that I believed love would be for me. I was also very conservative with myself, pulling back from expressing myself and my emotions, so these stories were perfect for me. In these stories, one would almost never declare their own love, much less the physical expressions of such. And when the time for the first kiss came, there would be such turmoil and anxiety in the behavior and thoughts of the girls (and sometimes even the boys) as they dreaded having ruined their love lives. I didn’t think of this as stupid and immature, but as an appropriate reaction to the depth of the situation.

With these thoughts in my head, I decided that my own kiss would be saved for my wedding day. My younger sister had chosen to chase and kiss boys in kindergarten, but as I was a more violent sort, I missed out on the kissing , preferring to chase and kick the boys. The idea was the same, to get attention, but with a different result. And I felt a certain superiority to others around me as I grew older that were spending their time with romantic interests. Not that I was completely detached from the world of romance. I still had glowing ideas of romantic love, but I wasn’t willing to lower my standards to such a level that would allow me to partake in the ridiculous games I saw going on around me. I was determined to hold my first kiss.