First Kiss – thoughts and tips

It was this knowledge that prompted me into study. I doubted I was a good kisser, with the lack of experience and knowledge about the subject. So it was now my duty, if I ever intended to kiss anyone again, to find out what the F I was supposed to be doing.
My first kiss didn’t change who I was, yet it did. My second kiss totally changed my views on the world. And so, I have to say that the first kiss can be a wonderful and magical thing or it cannot. It depends on who your partner is and who you are. What your abilities are, what your likes and dislikes are. And if you smell like vomit and beer or not.

Advice for a first kiss.

Don’t worry about it. Of course, it’s going to be awkward, of course it’s probably going to be bad. There’s nothing we can really do about it, unfortunately. If your partner is more experienced, the likelihood that you will enjoy it is higher, though. If not, you get to worry less about making a fool of yourself.

Expect mushy wetness. It really is just as gross as you might think and much more so than it is portrayed on television. Seeing and feeling a kiss is totally different. All you can do is wait until you get used to it. After that point, it’s something amazing that you can’t live without.

Take it slow. You don’t need to worry about anything else. You’re still at first base (according to when I was a kid), so feel free to keep it there for a while. Maybe you’ll feel like doing more or advancing your kissing skill ASAP, but remember your partner. If you feel nervous, chances are that they will too. Take all the time you need and let your partner know when you need that time.

Don’t dive in head first. Things won’t be perfect, they never are, but at least try to give it good timing. Try to wait until you’re in a private, comfortable place that won’t cause too much pressure on either of you. And if you miss the perfect moment, don’t fret too much. If you keep trying, it will come around again.

Start small. Pecks are a good starting point. Don’t worry about the face-devouring until later.

If you’re a girl and don’t feel comfortable making the first move, you can give him hints and help him figure out that you would like to kiss him. A good one is leaning closer to him, slightly tilting your head and looking up into his eyes. Especially if your eyes drift to his lips every now and then.

A good idea would be to try to have good breath and smell nice. Remember, this person is someone you want to be close to. But who wants to be close to someone who smells like garlic and BO? If you need to, chew gum, bring mouthwash, take a minute to freshen up before you leave the restaurant, whatever is necessary.

Commit to it. If you’re going in for the kiss, leaning in, cupping their chin and suddenly backpedal, that screams all sorts of bad things. Do or do not. There is no try.

Asking for permission can spoil the mood. Honestly, reading body language is best. Just take it slowly and if you meet resistance, realize that now may not be the time.

Breathe. Take breaks if needed and try to figure out what works for you. Your partner will be traumatized if you pass out.

You probably want to tilt your head to the side. Two thirds of couples will automatically tilt their heads to the right when kissing. It helps keep the mood to not bump noses or foreheads. This goes doubly for people who wear glasses.

Relax your mouth (to a point! No dead fish) and try to mimic the depth and movements of your partner. They may be unsure how to proceed as well, so don’t put too much pressure on them either.

Try to relax your body as well. Embracing your partner might seem like a good idea, but not if you’re not enjoying it. Also, guys, try not to enjoy it too much. She might notice and that also might ruin your whole evening. Jk.

Just remember that while it may not be perfect at first, it will get better as you get used to it and learn what you’re supposed to do. I’ve heard people say that you should practice on your elbow or a pillow or something else stupid like that, but I fail to see how that would help at all. If you want, go for it, but realize that it’s nothing like a real person. At all.

Have fun, kids!
Any other tips? Leave them in the comments!

First kiss – part V

My second kiss was actually a lot worse than the first, for reasons unknown. My second partner and I had actually been on a few dates and he was extremely nervous about keeping up appearances and . . . seemed to be nervous about everything, actually. He was really trying to impress me, perhaps, but in doing so, he failed miserably.
Although we had been on a few dates and seemed to be getting along fairly well, he took his time to make a move. Unlike my previous friend-zone guy, I knew that he was interested in me, but was unable to do or say anything to show it. On the third date or so of wandering around parks (free dates, yay), we sat down on a park bench. Apparently he wasn’t prepared for a day of walking, or had decided that being fashionable was more important, so had worn uncomfortable clothing, or was just very delicate, but we had spent most of the day merely sitting on benches. Now that it was finally evening and we had some type of privacy, he decided to make his move.
“Can I hold your hand?” He meekly asked me.
“It’s okay.” I shrugged. No big deal. I was amused watching him be so nervous. Not the most romantic or kind thing, but I was trying to be fair and give him a chance. We sat in silence, like most of the rest of the date, for some time before he turned to me again, a bundle of nerves.
“Please close your eyes.” He requested.
I did so, knowing full well what his intention was, but not particularly caring. I waited. And waited.
“It’s no good…” He mumbled to himself. “I can’t do it.”
I opened my eyes and turned to him, questioningly. “Are you okay?”
“One more time.” He gathered his determination again, although I could practically feel him shaking. I complied, but unexpectedly after a few moments, I felt a peck on my cheek. It took a good deal of my self control not to laugh. What was that?
He was looking at me apologetically when I opened my eyes. “Was that okay?”
I almost wanted to yell at him and tell him that it wasn’t such a big deal, and please calm down, but I didn’t. I simply nodded. “it’s fine.”
He was trying to set a mood, but it just wasn’t working out for him. He was too nervous. Too worried about people walking by that might look. Worried that I might reject him. I didn’t know what I could do to make things easier, so I just watched along in silence. I didn’t particularly want to kiss him, so if he gave up, it wouldn’t break my heart.
“Can you guess what I want to do?” He muttered in a low tone. His voice was a saving point, very deep and nice, but not enough.
I didn’t intend to be a terrible tease, but I just batted my eyelashes at him with wide eyed innocence. “No. What?”
And finally, after all that self-torture, he did the deed. And what a deed it was. I had no skill myself, so it was all dependent on him, which was not a good thing in this instance. I allowed him to kiss me because I felt bad for him. He just seemed so pathetic and I thought that perhaps he would calm down with some measure of release. It didn’t work. Those kisses in poor pathetic asian dramas with tight lips drawn over teeth pressing together? That was the kiss given by this man. It not only looks uncomfortable and without pleasure, it also is in reality. Perhaps it was my uncaring. Perhaps it was his nerves. Perhaps it was a lack of compatibility or skill. I can never be sure, but I do know absolutely that it was without any type of pleasure whatsoever.
Neither did I regret my decision in this matter, as it gave me a good comparison and point to see what I might be searching for in a mate, in regards to kisses. It also opened my eyes to the fact that one can naturally know what a good and bad kisser is.

First kiss – part IV

My first kiss was quite unplanned. I had been randomly drunkenly flirting with the current “hot thing” that my friends were hanging out with, since I had been told that it was the thing to do. I didn’t care enough to be aware of my behavior. My friends and I were planning to make it an all-night drunken hang-out, but he insisted that he was going to try to go home by the last train, with another large group of people.
“Are you really going home?” I asked, batting my eyelashes and looking up at him, although it was dark outside. He grunted his assent and I snorted, “What? You’re going to leave three girls out here alone?”
He laughed that we could probably beat up anyone who we came across and to prove his point, I threw a drunken punch and fell over, into his arms. I was unsure where to go from that point, but my friends had moved away from me, one of them watching with perverse curiosity and the other just being generally clueless. From that point, my mind kind of dissolves around what we talked about for another ten minutes or so.
“So, you’re a virgin?” He asked me. Unfortunately, he knew from an adult game of truth or dare earlier where I had been forced to confess the fact that I generally tried to keep unmentioned, due to attracting the wrong type of guys. It was better, in my opinion, to let them think that I was worldly enough to know that I didn’t want them or their attentions.
“But, you’ve kissed guys, right?” He asked when I was forced to nod in agreement.
“Nope.” I shrugged. It was already too late to save face.
“What? Never?” He seemed astonished. I shrugged again. “I don’t believe it.”
“That’s your problem, not mine.” I was pretty drunk and behaving like quite the idiot. But I was aware enough when he grabbed my chin and started pulling my face toward his that I was able to successfully pull back and maneuver my face away from his. Finally, he gave up.
“You’re pretty stubborn.” He looked at me, defeated. I flashed a grin up at him and relaxed into his embrace. I had won. So I let him kiss me. And he did. It was so unlike anything that I had imagined. First, my neck was being stretched at a strange angle and I couldn’t really breathe because of that. Next, he was also pretty drunk, so smelled like beer, one of the most disgusting substances in the universe. Also, his lips were. . . like those over-inflated gooey worms that lay in puddles on the sidewalk after a rain. So mushy. And he fought to drive his tongue deeply into my mouth.
I had no idea what I was doing and didn’t really do anything other than experience it. Not that I had been overly hoping for much from my first kiss, but I was slightly disappointed. It wasn’t something that I ended up regretting and even though we were both pretty drunk, I didn’t feel as though I made a fool of myself or a bad decision. He was nothing to me and I was the same to him, but I didn’t mind that my first kiss had been such. All I felt from the experience was that I hadn’t really missed out on much and waiting didn’t make any difference in the grand scheme of things.

First kiss – part II

The first time that I seriously considered maybe allowing someone to kiss me, it wasn’t that I desired to kiss him, of course. I thought the idea of kissing was rather unhygienic and disgusting. Saliva in any form wasn’t exactly a pleasant thought and coming into contact with someone else’s was quite moreso. I was twenty-three years old at the time and had never dated, but still had the ideals of a perfect partner out there somewhere in the world, so I sought him through online dating. This male and I had messaged back a few times before I thought that it would be important to let him know about my stances on physical affection, to give him time to get out if he wasn’t willing to play by my rules. He was six thousand miles or so away, but I wanted to get that out of the way before any type of attachment developed.
“Even if you got me super drunk,” typed he, “I would never take your virginity.”
I flinched. What exactly was that supposed to mean?
“But I don’t think I can live without kissing. I have kissed all my past girlfriends and have become addicted to it. I love the closeness and intimacy it provides.”
I gave him a chance. A little bit more to prove that he would be worth it, but I knew. He wouldn’t do. I couldn’t be with someone who wouldn’t abide by my standards. So we drifted apart. The next three times that I was confronted were while I was in a club with my friends. I was becoming more outgoing and was willing to have fun and do what I wanted. What I wanted wasn’t quite what my friends wanted, but we got along well and I had no problem taking the first train home by myself. From time to time, I would be approached, but with my cold demeanor, they would soon leave me alone. In these instances, it happened to be on extremely crowded nights, where one couldn’t walk across the floor without being felt up by everyone, purposefully or not. I got trapped dancing with random men who had no inhibitions about groping me publicly, being drunk and in a crowded area. Not that I blamed them for their actions, as I was pressing against them. But I prevailed. All were polite and asked if they could kiss me. I said no to all. But they tried anyway. One would think that they would get the point after a time, but generally, I would see my friends and ask for prompt rescuing, which they would provide. It’s extremely difficult to kiss someone who doesn’t want it.

First Kiss – Part I

In a world where the first of everything is so emphasized, the first step, the first word, the first day of school, the first kiss has become less of an importance in the American culture. It’s something that is merely shrugged off, something that probably happened in elementary school, but who really cares. When was your first kiss? Who was it with? Even though we don’t really emphasize it, I’d wager that you remember. What you felt, where you were, your thoughts at the time. Well, maybe.

The first kiss is a good starting point, an appropriate place to begin the talk of relationships and sex. I grew up in a very conservative culture with a strong religious background, but even with the people around me, I felt very self-righteous and superior. Such is the fate of all teens, but my morality lead me a different way than expected.

The usual age for the first kiss is the early pre-teen years of ten and thirteen (although I’ve heard the word “tween” used for this age group, I’m old and don’t think that’s appropriate. My own little rant) and people tend to experience it during their early years of middle school or late elementary. Although some are earlier and others later. I fell into the later category. Much later. Due to my own decisions.
My teen years were spent heavily on manga reading and anime watching, mostly shojo (girls) romance stories. The culture portrayed in these stories was one of silence and passion that is never expressed. I felt that the love stories within my own culture focused too heavily on outward signs of love and didn’t accurately portray the way that I believed love would be for me. I was also very conservative with myself, pulling back from expressing myself and my emotions, so these stories were perfect for me. In these stories, one would almost never declare their own love, much less the physical expressions of such. And when the time for the first kiss came, there would be such turmoil and anxiety in the behavior and thoughts of the girls (and sometimes even the boys) as they dreaded having ruined their love lives. I didn’t think of this as stupid and immature, but as an appropriate reaction to the depth of the situation.

With these thoughts in my head, I decided that my own kiss would be saved for my wedding day. My younger sister had chosen to chase and kiss boys in kindergarten, but as I was a more violent sort, I missed out on the kissing , preferring to chase and kick the boys. The idea was the same, to get attention, but with a different result. And I felt a certain superiority to others around me as I grew older that were spending their time with romantic interests. Not that I was completely detached from the world of romance. I still had glowing ideas of romantic love, but I wasn’t willing to lower my standards to such a level that would allow me to partake in the ridiculous games I saw going on around me. I was determined to hold my first kiss.